5. Strategies for Talking about Disability

Without realizing it, many of us have grown up being discouraged from talking about disability. Often, parents and teachers have not had the information or the vocabulary to talk about disabilities, and this lack of information may have taught many children that asking questions about people with disabilities was not okay. You may still be receiving messages from the world that disability is not something we discuss. In this video, we’ll walk through two examples and ways adults can have meaningful conversations with children about disability.

Imagine the following scenarios: Today, Ellie asked her Sunday school teacher why Isabella has her iPad during services. Everyone else needs to turn off their phones and tablets when they’re in the sanctuary. And another: At the grocery store, Jeff pointed at the man behind the cash register with a prosthetic arm. He said, “Hey, it’s Iron Man!” Jeff’s mom told him to be quiet and apologized to the man who was ringing them up.

What do we do in these situations? How can we respond to children’s questions in a way that helps them understand that disability is part of being human? As we work to create inclusive environments, we have to be comfortable talking about disabilities with children. Disability is a natural aspect of human diversity. We celebrate and affirm that this is central to the human experience, and approximately 20% of people in the United States identify as having a disability. This is often an important part of their identity and may impact how they experience the world. In programs or settings where adults talk about and celebrate disability, children with disabilities feel a greater sense of belonging, representation, and confidence. And the children without disabilities in those settings learn acceptance, understanding, and how to be a friend to their peers.

So, we know it’s important to talk about disability, but it’s not always clear where we should start. The good news is that people with disabilities are increasingly represented in books and mainstream media. There are characters with disabilities in “Hero Elementary” and “The Healing Powers of Dude,” two popular children’s TV shows, and increasingly more characters in books with different types of disabilities. Hopefully, the kids in your program have already come across disability in a range of ways. We also have a list of these resources in our accompanying materials. Representation is a critical component of inclusive programs. Your program materials and spaces should represent the people participating in your program, including people with disabilities. Things like books, toys, artwork, posters, and other materials should represent people with disabilities so you can ensure that children and families see themselves in your space. It’s important for images and portrayals of people with disabilities to be in everyday situations, like the supermarket, and in extraordinary situations, like winning a gold medal in the Paralympics.

When having conversations with children about disability, start by approaching these conversations in a positive and encouraging way. While it’s common to feel slightly uncomfortable if a child without a disability asks you about a peer who has a disability, honor the question and respond positively and directly. By doing this, you’re letting children know it’s okay to be curious about their world and the people around them. Some programs ask the parents of children with disabilities for information about their child’s disability so that they can answer their peers’ questions accurately and honestly. As children get older, they may be able to answer these questions by themselves. Many adults with disabilities report feeling empowered when they have opportunities to answer questions about their own disability status rather than deal with stares from people in the community. Remember, disability is not only about what you cannot do; it’s about areas of strength as well as areas in which a student may need support.

Now let’s return to Ellie’s question about Isabella using her iPad during services. You can respond that Isabella uses the iPad as her voice. She has it with her during services so that she can ask questions and share her ideas. To extend this conversation, you could encourage Ellie to ask Isabella about her iPad, add books with characters who use AAC devices to the Sunday School library, or invite Isabella’s family to come to the class to talk about her iPad. In this example, you address the child’s question, encourage her curiosity, and let her know it’s completely acceptable to wonder about a peer.

Let’s look at a few more examples: Imagine you’re leading a summer camp and a camper named Khaled is flapping his hands and pacing back and forth during outside time. Jay, another camper, asks, “Why is that kid doing that?” A good response would be, “Great question. Some people move their bodies in a certain way because it helps them feel calm and happy.” Or perhaps Leonard, a new child with autism, joins your classroom and likes to wear headphones in noisy places. During free play, a peer asks, “Why does he have those headphones? What’s wrong with him?” In this case, we should emphasize that absolutely nothing is wrong with Leonard, and he prefers to wear headphones so things don’t seem so loud. “Have you ever been somewhere that was super loud and you had to cover your ears, like a music concert or a football game? Headphones are a great way to make things seem less noisy.” Later that day, Leonard repeats his favorite lines from Star Wars over and over during snack. Noel, a peer, tries to tell Leonard a joke, but he continues talking about Star Wars and ignores her. The teacher explains that Leonard really loves Star Wars and sometimes needs help to talk about other topics. The teacher gets out some visuals to help Leonard respond to Noel’s questions and have a conversation with everyone at the table while they eat snack.

Parents and family members are also great resources to help lead conversations about disabilities. Sometimes parents may want to read a book about their child’s disability with a group or class, but often parents can share experiences they’ve had, like going to the beach, rooting for the Mariners, or playing with a pet, that emphasize that children with disabilities have the exact same interests as other children do. Helping everyone see things we all have in common is an important part of these conversations. As we build inclusive communities, we have the important opportunity to normalize disability and emphasize that this is part of the human experience. Be honest, answer questions directly, emphasize similarities between children with and without disabilities, and always look for ways to represent people with disabilities in your program. If you do not know the answer to a question, don’t be afraid to say so and find out.

So, what could this look like for you? How will you encourage and promote conversations about disability? How can you anticipate children’s questions and encourage them to be understanding of their peers? And maybe most importantly, how can you help children understand that disability is not something we shouldn’t talk about or wonder about, but rather just another part of the human experience?